Coffee made me do it!

I started drinking coffee at the age of twelve, needless to say I became an addict. Over the years I gained enough self-control to limit my intake to mornings only. My partner never drank coffee and told me he thought it was evil. A bit of an extreme point of view you might think. Stay with me, you’ll see that he had his reasons.

Coffee was my very first thought every morning. It lured me out of bed and look out if you got in the way of me making my first expresso. Until I had that first cup of coffee, the whole world could go to hell for all I cared. After my coffee I went back to being the nicest person in the world or at least the neighbourhood. There were quite a few coffee ‘incidents’ over the years but this one I’m about to tell, was the most revelatory for me and disturbing for him.

One beautiful, Sunday morning I walked into the kitchen as my partner was washing the dishes from the previous night’s dinner party. He was singing along to a chanting tape of Om Namah Shivaya as he was elbow deep in suds. I couldn’t stand chanting, it really set my teeth on edge, so I turned the tape off as I made my way to the expresso machine.

Uncharacteristically defiant, he turned the tape back on. This was a little disconcerting but nonetheless, I hit the stop button again. We glared at each other, as his finger hovered above the play button. I told him in my haughtiest tone, “there will be consequences” if he turned it back on. I mean, I gave him fair warning but this only spurred him on. He hit the play button with an exaggerated flourish and exclaimed “bring on the consequences lady”!

With a deftness I didn’t ordinarily have, I hit eject and ripped that tape out of the player. Temporarily possessed, I made my way to the window and hurled the tape out with all my might. I watched with glee as it clattered onto the roof of the bungalow next door. I took in the look of open-mouthed horror on my partner’s face with a sense of smug satisfaction. Then, I nonchalantly continued making my coffee as if nothing had happened!

After my caffeine hit tamed the beast within, I was appalled at my behaviour. What the hell – who was that crazy woman? I had to concede that my partner might be onto something. Not that coffee was evil as such but it seemed to bring out the worst in me.

So I switched to tea, Earl Grey to be precise. Two months later, I realised that I wasn’t anxious anymore. I’d suffered from morning anxiety my whole life or so it seemed and now it was completely gone! Obviously coffee doesn’t affect everyone that way. But if you have anxiety issues you might want to consider giving it up or switching to decaf – it could do wonders for your relationship!

Photo Credit: Mike Kenneally via Unsplash